flat white: i didn't think this would turn out to be a novel...
ugh my mom creates these vicious cycles. she always makes me do things according to her schedule, then yells at me for always getting in the way of what she wants to do. pretty much, anytime i ask for ANYTHING it’s just me being a selfish bitch. and then she pulls out the old ‘you don’t do…
I’m wearing the fuckwads sweater it’s been THREE YEARS why am I not over it
tonight, i have re-fallen in love with the world. as a celebration, i am going to let myself (for the first time in over a year) hope with all of my heart. you have given me nothing tonight, but you have made me the happiest girl alive. goodbye crippling sadness, i am free.
time to just ride.
Tonight, for the first night in a very long time… I feel happy. Not jittery, bubblegum pink teen girl happy, but better. Like I spent the day laughing with friends and talking about books and watching old 60s movies just to collapse in bed and dream about falling in love again someday. And after months of insecurities and inferiority complexes… I love myself.
So this is my formal goodbye to my past. I’m grateful for the lessons and memories, but it’s on to greener, more cultured pastures. Hello 2013, and hello to the rest of my beautiful life.
I am taking a step back to steep in my loneliness and let it strengthen me. I need a break from people/feelings.
Oh god like I know you didn’t mean to but you just made everything so much harder why did you have to do that
You’ll never have to convince me to love you. But after all I’ve been through it’ll take a lot of work to get me to let you close
This blog is becoming an outlet for my descent into a depressive madness.
I literally don’t trust anyone and I’m fucking tired of people making me feel worthless so you can all just kiss off cause I do not give even one fuck.
I hate my piece of shit mom I hate my piece of shit school I hate every piece of shit boy of wasted time on and I hate this piece of shit town. Time to spend some quality time with my depression and cigarettes, the only things I can stand anymore.